I’ll spoil something—the upcoming theme of this season will involve Groundi and also 
revenge. So it’s only appropriate that the first Boring Classic on the new website is 
that epic comic gem, “Supething: Groundi’s Revenge!” Not only was this the first 
reappearance of Groundi, but also the recipient of dozens of prestigious awards. 
Just kidding—this comic is mind-numbingly terrible in more ways than I can count.

Before we begin, you may be wondering: when was Groundi’s, er-hem, prevenge? That is, 
when did he first strike? Uh, well, that comic was so bad that I threw it out. 
Suffice it to say that Groundi, then dubbed “The Thing Who Lives Under the Ground,” 
was upset that all he owned was a brick wall, and so he...uh...er...

Anyway, so this comic is tough to read because it’s sloppy. But it’s also tough to read 
because it makes no sense. Shall we begin?

As you can see, in Panel 1, Groundi has escaped jail, which seems to be a floating circle 
labeled “JAIL.” Instantly, we know his plot: to find a magic crystal (which is now 
Groundi’s logo, look for it on all of his inventions) which will make him a TITO, which 
is a made-up word meaning a big bad guy. 

Tito Groundi lacks many things. For one, he can’t use punctuation, which makes his 
statements particularly strange. I’m partial to “ROAR,” all in caps, but without even an 
exclamation point. Groundi also lacks any powers, and he also lacks even a passing 
resemblance to regular Groundi. I have no idea what I was trying to do.

Superthing and Leaf “supergrow,” which was basically the oldschool Superthing equivalent 
to powering up. Cubo wasted his power reaching the top shelf. Oh, ho, ho. How witty. Didn’t
I realize that Cubo can fly, and is flying while talking there?

So Groundi sets out to solve the problem of not having powers by using mail order, which I 
guess is funny if you think mail order is funny. He’s also invincible until his mail comes, 
which begs the question...why order powers? Certainly he doesn’t need superpowers to be 
invincible while punching stuff, and certainly that’s a good enough superpower to cause 
some damage. It works for Superman, right? Uh, aside from the flying part, and the snow 
breath part and the laser eye part. I vaguely remember being uncomfortable with this plot 
point even then, but I let it go. I had very little common sense even then.

What follows is arguably the lamest fight scene in comics, which is coupled with bad 
dialogue, bad art, and bad spelling. Read on as Groundi explodes in flaming scribbles, 
Leaf typos, and Superthing, uh, breathes? The only notable part of this action scene is 
the awesome quote “Ow! Super Ninja Star Fire Orbs of Revenge HURT!!!” a fact I’ll bet you 
never considered. It’s also great when Groundi manages to “trap” Supething and Leaf in his 
hands, but never actually closes them. Good trap there.

So then it ends with Groundi’s death, crushed by a square the size of Europe. Wait. 
I killed off Groundi? I totally forgot that! Aw geez, now I’m sad all over again.

As if the horrors of this comic didn’t make me sad enough...