Wolverine Week Entry #2
Mood:  on fire
Now Playing: some Earthbound stuff

Recently, the cast of the Boring Rocks were invited to attend a showing of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Don’t think they were invited by the studio; they were invited by their friend WOBBiE. Anyway, this week will be Wolverine Week here on Boredom’s Reach, as Pumpki, Groundi, Ananas and the others post their reviews of this CINEMATIC MISTERPIECE! Be warned, though—some plot elements may be spoiled by reading these reviews. Especially in Ghosti’s review today. Another, fourth-wall breaking apology in advance for the fact that I seem to be channeling Chester A. Bum over here.

 

Reviewer 2: Ghosti—the Guy Who Can’t Get Over What Happened to Deadpool

Grade: 2.5/4

 

            This movie was okay, I guess. I mean, if you want to read what’s right about it, you could always just read Pumpki’s review—he’s usually pretty astute and points out cool stuff in capital letters for your convenience.

            But I did not like this movie because they butchered Deadpool, and I mean both literally and figuratively. I guess the literal part is okay, because how else are you going to beat Deadpool? But seriously Marvel, you sewed shut the mouth of a character who’s known for being the Merc with a Mouth! You took away his costume and replaced it with Heath-Ledger wannabe makeup! You gave him laser eyes and sword hands! You made his name a pun on gene pool! You got rid of his eyelids! You drew on him with Sharpie! You made him a zombie! HE SPEAKS SWAHILI! Okay, I can accept that. But he’s a science experiment gone awry now! Marvel, did you want him to be the Abomination, because I had Incredible Hulk déjà-vu when watching this. Here’s a protip from yours truly, Gavin Hood. You should try to avoid making us remember the Hulk. You get it?

            Guys, this was a fast-talkin’, kick-awesome ninja! Did you think that wouldn’t sell tickets? He’s like Naruto, only epic! Kids love ninjas these days! Kids love fast-talkin’, high-rollin’, sarcastic-action ninjas! You had that, and you made him a bleedin’ bleeding lobotomy patient! Kids these days do not like bleedin’ bleeding lobotomy patients! So yeah, they killed Deadpool in too many ways for me to be happy with this movie. And don’t even get me started on Gambit.