Mood:
brightNow Playing: You don't want to know...okay, it's old Sesame Street stuff
Recently, the cast of the Boring Rocks were invited to attend a showing of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Don’t think they were invited by the studio; they were invited by their friend WOBBiE. Anyway, this week will be Wolverine Week here on Boredom’s Reach, as Pumpki, Groundi, Ananas and the others post their reviews of this CINEMATIC MISTERPIECE! Be warned, though—some plot elements may be spoiled by reading these reviews. Especially in Ghosti’s review on Tuesday. Another, fourth-wall breaking apology in advance for the fact that I seem to be channeling Chester A. Bum over here.
Reviewer 4: Ananas—the Friend Who Tagged Along But Didn’t Know Anything about X-Men
Grade: 2.25/4
Coming in to this movie, I knew nothing about the X-Men. Well, I mean, I knew that they were Superman’s friends and all, but I don’t think I could have named any of them, aside from Robin, who I guess wasn’t in this film.
Before I walked into this movie, I had Ghosti explain the series to me, because I wanted to know what I’d missed in the last three movies. Apparently all you had to know coming into this movie is that some people are mutants and that gives them superpowers. For some reason, no one likes the mutants, and so they are all grumpy. Wolverine is a particularly grumpy mutant and so he likes to beat people up. So knowing that, I can say that Wolverine was an all right movie. It was pretty action-packed, and the special effects were nice. Of course, I was utterly confused by the plot. Mutants? I’m not much of a science guy, but I’m pretty sure there’s no scientific way a guy can use a light bulb without plugging it in.
Also, who was the bald guy? Why did the angry one have to forget who he was? And most importantly, who wrote that ending? I won’t spoil it, but I think it’s enough to say that it was really really bad, like really really really bad. Have you ever been to the dentist, and then when you’re done your turbo pogo-stick hits a pothole so you fall and bruise yourself and then you realize you’re locked out of your apartment so you have to spend the evening sleeping on Clamper’s desk in the lobby of the studios? Well, it was sort of like that, only less painful and more disappointing. Basically, this was a confusing and disappointing movie unless you are familiar with the X-Mans. But the often-senseless action did inspire me to do about sixteen new stunts. So I guess the middle part was fun.
So in conclusion, that’s how you can build a flowerpot solely out of recycled milk jugs! Tune in next week when I’ll explain how to cook beans without actually using beans!
